Selfishness and submission

A test came to me this morning. As I was writing something, and had just finished it and was about to post it, I lost the whole lot. A test of patience to be sure. Well, I hope I can reproduce most of what I wrote from memory. And funny that, I was just writing about selfishness, and the reminder I got this morning when I opened up my bible...and then to test me, God allowed me to lose the whole article I had just written and spent at least 20 minutes writing.

In my devotions this morning, I read a rather sobering passage about the importance of our words when speaking about those in leadership of us. I was reminded of a time when recently, I was not as submissive as I should have been, and regardless of whether I agreed or not, I should have shut my mouth and just done what I was asked. But sometimes, we like to get ahead of ourselves and just do what we want, without regard for anybody else. I found myself grumbling under my breath, and getting angrier by the minute. So what if it wasn't what I wanted to do? So what if it didn't go my way? Regardless of what I like to think sometimes, I am not the most important person in the world. We all have those selfish moments which we look back on later and cringe. I believe a little honesty is warranted, and reprimand from God is a good reminder.

So when I read this passage in the book of Numbers this morning, naturally I was convicted. Let us turn there so you may see what I mean.

Dissension of Aaron and Miriam

12     Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married; for he had married an Ethiopian woman. ^2 So they said, “Has the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us also?” And the Lord heard it. ^3 (Now the man Moses was very humble, more than all men who were on the face of the earth.)

^4 Suddenly the Lord said to Moses, Aaron, and Miriam, “Come out, you three, to the tabernacle of meeting!” So the three came out. ^5 Then the Lord came down in the pillar of cloud and stood in the door of the tabernacle, and called Aaron and Miriam. And they both went forward. ^6 Then He said,

     “Hear now My words:

     If there is a prophet among you,

     I, the Lord, make Myself known to him in a vision;

     I speak to him in a dream.

⁷     Not so with My servant Moses;

     He is faithful in all My house.

⁸     I speak with him face to face,

     Even plainly, and not in dark sayings;

     And he sees the form of the Lord.

     Why then were you not afraid

     To speak against My servant Moses?”

^9 So the anger of the Lord was aroused against them, and He departed. ^10 And when the cloud departed from above the tabernacle, suddenly Miriam became leprous, as white as snow. Then Aaron turned toward Miriam, and there she was, a leper. ^11 So Aaron said to Moses, “Oh, my lord! Please do not lay this sin on us, in which we have done foolishly and in which we have sinned. ^12 Please do not let her be as one dead, whose flesh is half consumed when he comes out of his mother’s womb!”

^13 So Moses cried out to the Lord, saying, “Please heal her, O God, I pray!”

^14 Then the Lord said to Moses, “If her father had but spit in her face, would she not be shamed seven days? Let her be shut out of the camp seven days, and afterward she may be received again.” ^15 So Miriam was shut out of the camp seven days, and the people did not journey till Miriam was brought in again. ^16 And afterward the people moved from Hazeroth and camped in the Wilderness of Paran.

(Num 12:1-16. New King James Version)

We all have our selfish moments where we want what we want, and don't really care what other people think. As much as we may not like admitting it, we all do it. I do it, you do it, others do it. I don't pretend to be excluded. We are all selfish. That's the plain truth of the matter. We mumble and grumble under our breath about those in leadership over us (and I'm not just talking political). I'm talking about us ladies. Do we mumble and grumble about things our husbands ask us to do, and just go our own way because we don't agree to what has been asked of us? The big YES is in order here I think.

But the good thing about this passage, is that even though Miriam and Aaron grumbled against Moses, God still showed them grace in not allowing Miriam to die from leprosy. But it is a sobering reminder to stay in submission to authority. Do we feel like it? Not at all sometimes. But it is what God has asked us to do, and so we must do it, regardless of whether we agree or not. Life is full of things we don't want to do. But God is bigger than us, and knows what He is doing. I need to just let go of my pride, forget about myself, and do what I know is right.

P.S. Not long after this post, I received another test along these very same lines which forced me to change my working place. After months of using the powerpoint in the restraunt with no issues, and having permission from a manager to do so, I was told by the cleaner that I was not allowed to use the powerpoint because of workplace health and safety. For months this guy had seen me every single morning without a single complaint, and on the day I write about submission, he decides to tell me off for using the powerpoint. While I understand the safety precautions and do not condemn them, having worked in hospitality myself, initially I was quite offended at the cleaner because of the way he spoke to me. Trying to remain calm and keep a good witness was quite difficult (as the staff see me there almost everyday). So I went to the counter staff, who got the manager, and she told me that it really is up to the manager on duty. I discovered that there is a fair amount of confusion as to whether the powerpoint is for public use or not. So I asked her to please speak to the store owner to get the situation rectified, and if it is not for public use, to please put a sign above the powerpoint stating as such. I tried to continue working, but found that I was not in a frame of mind to work after having been so rudely spoken to. Despite this, I was still trying to be gracious towards that particular member of staff.  Thank goodness the other two staff I spoke to were really nice, and so made up for the lack of politeness from the former.

Now I have discovered a new writing spot which I had previously used before on occasion when I was on my way home. The staff are friendly, the seats are even more comfortable, and while the WIFI is not free, with a purchase of my favourite banana milkshake I can use the internet. Best of all, I have access to a plug that does not conflict with workplace health and safety. I think I will be making this place my new working spot.

P.P.S. After posting, I actually found the post I had been working on earlier, so I didn't need to rewrite the whole thing at all. It was there the whole time!! I think God was just testing me....

Challenges

You don't realise until you are married just how selfish you can be. I have never been faced with so many of my own faults, and have found marriage to be incredibly challenging to my own selfish pride and sense of 'comfortability'.

If you don't want to be challenged, I suggest you don't get married. Challenge is good for the soul, and brings an awareness of yourself that you didn't have before. But along with this, it brings an incredible depth of relationship between you and your spouse, one that you cannot have with any other human being on the face of the earth. Marriage is beautiful and deep, and is worth every sacrifice you have to make, including your own pride. Let it go, it isn't worth sacrificing your marriage in order to secure your pride. If you are fighting with your spouse, as much as it hurts, let them have the last word (even if you DO think they're wrong). Your pride is not worth the loss of your marriage. Think about it, and the vows you made to love. In letting go, you are loving... think about it..